Codependency is a complex "disorder" that affects many of us in our life time. What is Codependency? Basically, its focusing on another person's behaviors and issues to the demise of our own. We become obsessed with what the other person is doing, thinking, or not doing, that we neglect our own health. Traditionally, the terms and definitions of codependency were related to being in a relationship with an alcoholic. Now, there is a broader understanding that codependency can and does affect people of many different circumstances, not just alcoholism.
How do I know If I'm a Codependent?
Do you say yes to people when you want or need to say no
Are you filling up with resentments because of another persons behaviors
Do you spend most of your time thinking about what the other person is doing
Do you spend most of your time devising ways to control the other person
Do you give and give until you are give out
Is it difficult for you to set boundaries and tell others how you are feeling.
Do you care more about what other people think of you than what you think of yourself, therefore this drives you to make decisions based on pleasing others, not yourself
This is not a comprehensive list but if you want to learn more about Codependency and how to take back control of your life, then I have a few book recommendations.
Melody Beattie is one of my favorite authors on this subject. She has many books on the subject but a good place to start is "Codependent No More" or the newer version "The New Codependency". Her books are comprehensive and easy to follow.
Helpful Hints if you are struggling with Codependency
Most of us are juggling so many things that taking time for ourselves is sometimes a very difficult task. This is the place to start. Set aside time just for you. I promise the world will keep spinning and everyone else will learn to take better care of themselves if your not there to do for them what they can do for themselves. Go for a walk, go on an adventure, get together with a friend, find a way to laugh, do something you love to do, talk with God,
Detaching from your issues and giving yourself time to reflect is the first step. Giving yourself time to figure out how you are feeling is another very important step. Joining an Al anon group is very helpful. This group focuses on breaking the patterns of codependency and helping people learn to take better care of themselves. Finding a counselor that can help you sort through your feelings and help you to find the strength to trust yourself is also helpful, especially if you find your struggling with setting boundaries or breaking these patterns.
I promise there is hope for new beginnings. Finding yourself can be a difficult task, however the rewards are amazing. You will find more time to enjoy life, less worry, less anxiety, and peace. Trusting that God can take care of the things that are out of our control is a big step for most of us, however, for me, it is a better way.
How do I know If I'm a Codependent?
Do you say yes to people when you want or need to say no
Are you filling up with resentments because of another persons behaviors
Do you spend most of your time thinking about what the other person is doing
Do you spend most of your time devising ways to control the other person
Do you give and give until you are give out
Is it difficult for you to set boundaries and tell others how you are feeling.
Do you care more about what other people think of you than what you think of yourself, therefore this drives you to make decisions based on pleasing others, not yourself
This is not a comprehensive list but if you want to learn more about Codependency and how to take back control of your life, then I have a few book recommendations.
Melody Beattie is one of my favorite authors on this subject. She has many books on the subject but a good place to start is "Codependent No More" or the newer version "The New Codependency". Her books are comprehensive and easy to follow.
Helpful Hints if you are struggling with Codependency
Most of us are juggling so many things that taking time for ourselves is sometimes a very difficult task. This is the place to start. Set aside time just for you. I promise the world will keep spinning and everyone else will learn to take better care of themselves if your not there to do for them what they can do for themselves. Go for a walk, go on an adventure, get together with a friend, find a way to laugh, do something you love to do, talk with God,
Detaching from your issues and giving yourself time to reflect is the first step. Giving yourself time to figure out how you are feeling is another very important step. Joining an Al anon group is very helpful. This group focuses on breaking the patterns of codependency and helping people learn to take better care of themselves. Finding a counselor that can help you sort through your feelings and help you to find the strength to trust yourself is also helpful, especially if you find your struggling with setting boundaries or breaking these patterns.
I promise there is hope for new beginnings. Finding yourself can be a difficult task, however the rewards are amazing. You will find more time to enjoy life, less worry, less anxiety, and peace. Trusting that God can take care of the things that are out of our control is a big step for most of us, however, for me, it is a better way.
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